Traveling Letter #1:
Dear Older Guy Eating a Sandwich in the Airport While Waiting for His Flight,
Really? At 10 Am you're eating a sandwich loaded with jalapenos and pickles? The smell alone is enough to turn my stomach, but dude. Please don't attempt to use the seat between us as a table, because a) your sandwich stinks and b) you never learned table manners and bits of food are flying around out of your mouth like they're being shot out of a cannon. That's right, I'm picking up my bags and moving away. 'Cause my mama taught me better.
Traveling Letter #2:
Dear Extremely Tall Young Man Sitting Beside Me on Our Flight,
I realize that your arms and legs are very long, and that you need somewhere to put your elbows while you peruse the newspaper. But dude, did God tell you that all armrests belong to you? 'Cause I'm pretty sure She told me that at least half of this one is mine!
Oh, yeah, and also? Slamming the door to the luggage compartment when your suitcase is sticking out of it into the aisle? Yeah, it'll break and a mechanic will have to come and fix it before the plan can leave, leaving you standing in the aisle and looking like a nincompoop. Oh, wait a minute -- sorry -- you already know that, don't ya?
All my best,
Dr. Bad Ass