A Year Ago, I Spilled a Coke on My Laptop

Here, for your reading pleasure, is an actual email I received recently from a student. I had emailed hir multiple times, reminding hir to turn in long-missing assignments. And here is what I received:

Hi, so let me start off by telling you about my laptop. A year ago I spilled a large coke on it and ever since it has acted funny as I'm sure you can imagine. Now I'm telling you this not as an excuse, just what I think is the explanation, as best as I can figure. When you told me last weds that I had never turned in my [third written assignment] I thought that was weird cause I remembered doing it, so I went home and looked on my hard drive and couldn't find it. Then when you emailed me about my [other big, important paper] I thought that was odd too, since again I remembered writing and turning it in. but again I searched my hard drive for it and couldn't find it. So I rewrote it and submitted it on Tuesday and now this email which I just received. Now I can't find the second paper I wrote nor can I find my final so my only explanation is that my computer ate it, which might be funny on any other occasion. I don't expect you to give me a third chance and to tell you the truth I'm not sure I could write that paper a third time. The only consolation I can think of is I thoroughly enjoyed your class and aside from hurting my wallet it won't be a hardship to take it again at a later date. Sadly my college career seems to be full of these pitfalls, all well se la vie right. Well I'm sorry our class has ended this way and I hope you won't hold it against me.

Thanks,

[Student]