Polysemy

Polysemy -- having many meanings

Slogging through the days of
meetings, class, student conferences,
email, websites, research, writing,
I gather my equipment around me,
Take a short break to check my maps
and have a snack.
Hiking.

Through Massachusetts
in late July,
following the AT north for 200 miles
as it winds through swamps,
up and down hills,
through small towns,
I stop to wait,
breathing hard.
Leaning on my poles,
I watch while she
negotiates with a boulder field.
"Walk up the crack," I say.
"Follow that line."
Teaching.

To use the overhead projector, I must
pull down the screen.
Pull and tug as I may,
it will not stay down.
I pull up a chair,
tie a taut-line hitch,
and teach.
Hiking.

Collecting and purifying water,
Hanging a bear bag,
Setting up tents,
Cooking dinner,
Unpacking and packing gear.
The 'how-to' of daily life on the trail.
Teaching.

A colleague stops me in the hall between classes
To tell me that there is no true example
of polysemy.
"The experts argue," he says, grinning.
"And yes, I was looking over your shoulder."
No true example.

First Snow of the Season!

The snow began last night, while I was busily painting a window downtown for homecoming (long story -- we've got a wolf on a spit and a cowboy blowing fire). That was a bit cold, but it was followed by a nice steak dinner at home and a good bottle of red wine. Lovely.

This morning as I look out my office window, the snow is still sticking to the ground, but not to the roads. I'm ready to get my skis tuned up and hit the slopes.

I'm not feeling quite so stressed this week, though goodness knows I probably should be. Still lots to do, but I feel it's doable.

Arctic Softball

This morning, when I left home to head for work, it was 29 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm sitting in my office now, though the sun is shining outside, with a warm and fuzzy muffler wrapped around my neck. There's a draft through the window! I could turn the heat on, but then the violets in my office would die.

Last night, in order to prove my insanity, I agreed to fill in on an intramural softball team made up mostly profs and grad students. Naturally, we were playing folks 20 years younger than me, so we lost by a grand margin of 12 points.

The interesting thing, for me, was to be on a softball team again after probably 15 years of non-softball life. I was placed in right field (which was good! I used to play left field, but I'm a bit rusty at the moment). I came up to bat twice: I struck out once and hit a pop to the third baseman, which he caught.

I'm happy that I didn't completely disgrace myself.

It was cold, though, the Wyoming wind howling across the intramural fields. I did a lot of running, and that kept me warm. My wonderful husband showed his devotion by coming out to watch. Some cold entertainment, that.

Weary

Weary.
Bone-tired.

That sweet sensation of sinking into a soft bed.
Muscles melting
breath slowing.
Pillows and blankets; fleece sheets and the dark.
Eyes closed with relief --
the deepened, undertow tug of
slipping into a warm, cozy trance.

Or having waded through a monstrous pile
of senior research papers, 15 pages each
with outline, rough draft,
footnotes and
bibliography page.
The blessed finality of placing them
firmly
in my book bag for tomorrow,
and settling down for a few pages
of that novel before
my eyes begin to blur and close.

Or at the end of a 20 mile day
the pins and needles starting in my toes
and working past my ankles to
my calves.
No pack on now, but
the pressure on my shoulders and hips
reminds me of its weight.
Hips resting on hard board,
surrounded by snores and mice and that musty, funky smell
of hikers.
Somehow, drifting off to a place
where nothing hurts.

Isn't that an unknown country?

So Much to Do

It has come to my attention that I have been a BAD blogger of late. So, in place of posting a witty statement about my stress level, I'm going to substitute a list of things I need to get done this week:

Prepare research presentation for today's faculty meeting

Re-read materials for tomorrow's classes

Plan for tomorrow's classes

Grade a shitload of papers before tomorrow's classes

Meet with a couple of students individually who are struggling in said classes

Finalize paperwork for the TWO search committees I'm chairing

Write a review of a book I haven't finished reading

Finish my multigenre manuscript and send it out to a journal (with fingers crossed)

Read and respond to a grad student's thesis

Make plane reservations for Christmas trip

Prepare presentations for NCTE (late November) and NRC (early December)

I could go on, but I've got some things to do . . .

All of this is not to have anyone feel sorry for me, but just to say that blogging has to take a low priority for the moment. I do love my job! More posts later . . .

Haircut (just a trim)

I really dislike and abhor going to get haircuts. There is something nauseating about sitting in front of a mirror, staring at myself -- and what is it with that lighting? you know? the kind that makes you look like a corpse? -- while wrapped up to the chin in a black drape, and making forced conversation with someone who couldn't give two shits about me and about whom I couldn't give two shits either.

In spite of this horror, I did actually get a haircut today. I've been working up to it for several weeks, feeling the crispy ends of my hair and thinking "You really need to get a haircut. Soon."

It actually wasn't that bad. The hairdresser wasn't in the least bit creepy (unlike the guy I had last time, who seemed to get way too much enjoyment out of combing out my hair. Eeeew.) and as soon as she saw my turtle tattoo, we were off to the races chatting about turtles and frogs we had bought, known, loved, and lost.

Not to mention ex-husbands, but that is a story not worth getting into.

Anyway, I'm spending my time now feeling the ends of my hair with a satisfied smile. No longer crispy.

Getting to "No"

My application for a small grant was frowned on by the grant-gods and trashed. That's the way it goes, I understand, and I'll get over it. (Voice in the back of my mind says "I'll Deal.") I haven't read the reviewers' comments yet, and I'm not sure if I want to. I'm planning on doing the research anyway; I'll be using my own money to do it.

I also had an idea for a sabbatical today -- one that involves lots of travel in order to build networks of English teachers in my state and to understand how teachers teach.

So, in other words, the best way to handle this letdown is to immerse myself in other work and to keep on doing the things I do well (one of which is apparently NOT grant writing!).

I have to admit, though, I'm feeling a bit used.

Maturity (or the lack of it)

I am beginning to think that it was easier to be patient with high school students (back when I taught high school) than it is to be patient with the college students that I currently teach. I have found myself -- this week -- coming close to losing my temper during class, when my college students speak/act in ways that either offend me or with which I disagree.

Is that just because I'm getting older?

I certainly expect my college students to exhibit a higher level of maturity than I did my high school students. Perhaps it is the lack of fulfillment of this expectation that is bothering me.

Or maybe I'm just overworked.

Either way, I have to deal with it. (This, by the way, is the newest saying that Red and I got from our backpacking trip. I.E. Question: "What if it rains?" Answer: "We'll deal with it."

"Dealing with it" in this case will involve two fronts
1. Handle my anger constructively (translation: work out like a demon)
2. Confront, privately, those students who are causing me grief.
3. Spend as much time as possible with my wonderful spouse, whose presence is soothing to me.

There! all done. Now for the real work.

Hiking Done, and Now for School

Having successfully hiked a 230-mile section of the AT through Massachusetts and Vermont (and having lost 10 pounds in the process -- YEAH ME!) I am back at school and in the thick of teaching classes. I'm basically teaching two classes this semester -- both English methods classes. The morning class is focusing on teaching writing at the secondary school level and is HUGE (for me, I mean). 31 students. Plus I'm co-teaching with a grad student, which is a new experience for me. So far we've had one incredibly hectic day, in which we were only able to get through half of what we had planned, and one lovely day (today) in which I was totally impressed with my students' work ethic and depth of thought. I do really love my job.

In the afternoons, I teach another English methods classes which focuses on teaching literature. This one is smaller, populated by my seniors who will begin their student teaching in the spring, and my post-bacs who already have degrees and are working on certification and getting some graduate credit. These folks are great as well, and so far things are going smoothly with that class. I'm sure some personality issues will crop up (they always do!) but it hasn't happened yet and that makes me happy.

I still have to come up with an essential question for my writing class, and I'm wavering between two:
1. How can I do a better job of merging my hiking self and my teaching self?
2. How can I do a better job of working with mentor teachers in the schools?

Neither of those questions is phrased exactly as I want it to be, but I'll keep working on it. I have until Tuesday.

Plus, the UW Cowboys play Florida on Saturday (can you say odds are against us?) and I'm excited about football season opening.

I know, I know, I'm an English teacher; why am I interested in football? I can't help it.

Hiking on the AT

I've spent the last 8 days hiking in New England -- we started in Great Barrington, Massachusetts, and are now in Bennington, Vermont. (I'm writing this from the public library in Bennington, where the librarian is giving me the hairy eyeball even now).

The hiking is going well -- no blisters, just some sore feet. We've done 94 miles and have about 130 left to go. It's a great time, and I love it. But I have to say, I'm missing my oh-so-wonderful spouse in the worst way. I think we were born to be hiking partners.

Must go, as my computer terminal will self-destruct if I go over my one-hour allotment.

Gone Hiking

Dear Small Audience of Reader(s):

I'm leaving this evening with a great friend and now hiking partner (Red) to fly off to the Appalachian Trail in Massachusetts and Vermont. I should be gone a month, barring any unfortunate occurrences, and we will be hiking about 230 miles on the AT, from South Egremont, Massachusetts, to Hanover, New Hampshire. Once this section is hiked, I'll have only a couple hundred more miles in southern Maine to finish up.

Of course, before I leave, I must run around town like a chicken with my head cut off, getting everything done that I should have done last week.

If you see my spouse, give him a hug for me. He so wishes he could go with me, but can't get the vacation time.

If you're one of my students, keep a stiff upper lip. You'll do fine without me . . . and I'll be back in late August.

In the meantime, happy trails to you -- enjoy the rest of your summer!

Sneeze Attack

So, yesterday a friend and I drove out to the Platte River Wilderness for a day-long hike. We are getting ready for our trip out to the AT in Massachusetts and Vermont, so we both carried our packs, full of gear and a bit of food. Not the same weight as we'll be carrying there, but enough to get a sense of what it will be like. This "getting the sense" thing is important as the friend who is going with me (trailname: Red) has never been on a backpacking trip before. We'd done one other full-day hike (about 7 miles) and she experienced some pain in the balls of her feet, so we wanted to give the experience another chance to see if Advil and some different shoe inserts would help.

We arrived at about 9:30 and were hiking by 10. We kept with my new hiking plan of stopping every hour for a short break, and all went very well. Red was experiencing a bit of pain, but it was manageable; at the end of a 10-mile day, she said "With another break, I could have hiked some more."

This is very good news, as we're planning to hike about 10 miles a day in Massachusetts/Vermont.

The bad news was that as soon as we started hiking, I started to sneeze. The scenery was beautiful, it was VERY warm, and the wildflowers and grasses were out in abundance. Needless to say, hiking while sneezing and constantly blowing one's nose is not the most pleasant (or elegant) way to spend the day.

Made it through, however, and I'm feeling better today. Drugs help.

Just Because I Hope People Will Take My Survey One Day

We spent the weekend at Yellowstone National Park.  

How Does This Work Again?

As I understand this tagging thing, since I got tagged by Paul, I have to answer some very personal questions about myself. In public. Since this is the very thing I've struggled with since starting this blog, and since I try to operate my life from my mantra -- "You have to do the things you're most afraid to do" [that's a paraphrase of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, one that I can't be bothered to look up at the moment.]

Oh, ok, here's the actual quote:

'You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'

And that combined with this one:

'You must do the things you think you cannot do. '

equals my habit in life.

But enough about that, on to the questions!

1. What are three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

A. Marrying my first husband, who turned out -- in spite of being the golden boy of his church -- to be a womanizer and a firm believer in the superiority of males and of my place as subservient to him. I doubt he would admit to either of those, but from my perspective, it is the truth.
B. Allowing the heat, lack of water, loneliness, and my anxiety over my research to sidestep me from the Appalachian Trail (although temporarily) in 2001. I still regret the fact that I decided not to hike those miles in New England, while I was there. Now I have to make a series of special trips to get those miles done, and I'm always questioning my status as a thru-hiker.
C. OK, now this one is complicated. I chose to do my dissertation research (in the field of reading education) on the literacy practices of the Appalachian Trail, using qualitative methods, at a time when the field of reading was becoming narrower and more focused on print text, when government funding was only available for quantitative analyses, and when my job choices depended on the respect garnered by my dissertation and subsequent work. As a result, I got only a few job interviews, but I did get a position at the University of Wyoming, where I'm very happy with both my academic work and my opportunities to be an outdoorsy girl. So -- maybe it was a stupid mistake, but it all turned out ok in the end.

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

No question. My ever-loving, patient, and rational spouse, Footslogger. He is my sanity and my grounding when things get crazy in academia-world. Plus, he always comes up with fun things to do, like this.

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up five people to dine with, who would you pick?

[Can I just make a comment about the atrocious wording of this question?]

Hmm. Eleanor Roosevelt. John F. Kennedy. Mahatma Gandhi. Buddha. And George W. Bush. Maybe they can teach him something.

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

A. That people in this country would start valuing and understanding the work that teachers do, in all its complexity.
B. That teachers who do not care about their students would quit teaching and giving the rest of us a bad name.
C. That my hair was curly.

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
I
'll go with Laramie, since my hometown is in Texas, and I'd rather not talk about that.

Two things I regret the city not having -- a variety of fantastic ethnic restaurants and affordable housing. Two things people should avoid -- mosquito bites (can you believe how thick they are right now?) and trying to have a quiet dinner at Altitude's on a Friday night (wow, they should get some acoustic material in there right away!).

6. Name one event that has changed your life.

No question about this. Hiking the AT in '01 and becoming a member of the thru-hiking community. In addition to giving me another persona (in addition to that of an educator, something I've been for my entire adult life), it has given me countless true friends all over the country, a new vocabulary, my dissertation research, and -- most importantly -- a sense of confidence that I can 'do the things I think I cannot do.' I'm proudest of that accomplishment.

7. Tag 5 people.

Now here's where it gets interesting. Are these people that I know read my blog? If so, I'm not sure there are any .. . .

Any of you dear readers who want to be tagged, consider yourself tagged. Donna, if you start a blog, you should start with this one!

Budget Cuts

OK, now this pisses me off. Apparently, we're all supposed to just let our education funding, health care funding, etc. go because the Bush administration has put us so deeply into the hole in order to fund a war based on misinformation.

I'm about to start phoning and emailing and writing letters to my representatives, I can promise you.

Seam-Sealing is Critical

Yesterday morning we spent several hours seam-sealing our new tents. We're not finished, as we've only done the fly and not the floor, but the process reminded me of hiking through the 100-Mile Wilderness in Maine, late September, 2001. My ever-patient spouse had joined me in Monson, Maine, and we hiked together to Katahdin to finish up my thru-hike. He brought with him a new 2-person tent (I was carrying my old and well-loved Sierra Designs Lightyear CD), so that we could split the weight and sleep in the same tent. Unfortunately, he had neglected to seam-seal it.

Thus, when it rained almost the entire 9 days of our hike, we got wet. The first night that it rained, we didn't even get out our sleeping bags; we just stacked up our bandanas under the drips and slept diagonally across the tent, holding on to each other to keep warm.

Needless to say, it was not a comfortable night. Neither were the nights that followed, as all of our clothing and gear was wet, wet, wet. We stopped early the following day -- when it was only mildly misting instead of raining -- and hung our clothes on branches in the vain hopes that they would dry. Of course, they didn't.

Of course, eventually we did get to Katahdin and eventually we and our stuff got dry. (You see, every story must have a happy ending.) I did get a cold, however.

So -- we're now serious about seam-sealing. We've learned a new technique that involves using a syringe to apply the goopy stuff, and we're getting better about not dripping Sil-Net everywhere.

Anybody else have camping stories to share?

Course Cancelled due to Lack of Interest

This summer, I was supposed to teach a graduate course for our reading endorsement series on research on reading and writing instruction at the secondary level. I was truly jazzed about teaching it, as it meant I would learn a lot, and I would get to meet lots of teachers from around the state. I worked hard to find quality texts and prepare a syllabus; I have half of the daily planning done for the course.

Last week, it was decided that my course didn't have enough folks enrolled to make. You see, in the summer, a course has to have at least 16 students in order to make enough money for my salary to be paid. The most I ever had enrolled in the course was 12; by last week, I was down to 9.

I'm seriously conflicted about my reaction to this news. On one hand, I could have used the money, and -- as I said -- I was excited about the material in this course. Plus, there may be students who signed up for the course who need it in order to get their reading endorsements.

One the other hand, I could seriously use the time to get some writing done. I'm finally making some headway with the multigenre manuscript, and I still need to write up that research on the writing project in Lander. Plus, it means that I'll get to be more involved with the Wyoming Writing Project invitational, which conflicted with the schedule of my course.

So -- if any of the readership of this blog had planned to take the course (doubtful, but possible), I apologize for the inconvenience. I'll be teaching it in the spring semester of 06, when we don't have so much of an enrollment requirement, if that helps.

Freak

I found out today -- as a result of a spine x-ray -- that I have an extra vertebra.

What does this mean?

Decompression

There was a time when I was in graduate school, just after I had successfully completed my comprehensive examinations, when I felt the need for some down time. I had worked hard on writing, doing library research, thinking, preparing for the exams, and I had this vision of my head exploding if I didn't allow myself a break. So I took about a month of what I called "decompression time." (Remember, Donna?) I didn't write, I didn't read -- at least I didn't write or read anything academic. At first I felt guilty about it, and didn't say anything to anyone about what I was NOT doing. But after a week or so, I felt the tension fall away from around my shoulders and neck, and I knew that it was the right decision.

Now I'm approaching that one-week mark again. Well, I have been in the office a bit, but mostly I've done yard work, read mystery novels (I've just discovered Elizabeth George, and I love her characters!), ridden my bike around town to do errands, and cooked. It feels good.

At the same time, there is this voice in the back of my head that is pressuring me to get back to work on a variety of projects that need doing. I may give in momentarily, but I'm trying to preserve what I can of the summer for much-needed decompression.

I also went to see a chiropractor yesterday, but that is another story for another day.

Now it's time for me to think about whether I should read a bit or plan tonight's dinner . . .